Four Movies To Make You Feel Super About Climate Change
Since our studio was taken over last year by a private equity firm jointly run by Exxon Mobil, the Saudi royal family, and a mysterious multi-billionaire who always appears in shadows named Lucifer Frackwell, we at Big Energy Pictures have been eager to demonstrate that our change in ownership will not impact our our continuing commitment to bold and independent storytelling. That’s why we’re proud to announce our release of four movies this summer about climate change, each of which has been just barely tweaked by our new corporate overlords.
Unfortunately, the coronavirus lockdown hit just as we were set to begin production, which reduced our casting options to the handful of actors already on set and a professional sports team that happened to be visiting the studio that day. But with the magic of CGI, and the intensely persuasive efforts of Mr. Frackwell, we were able to complete all four movies in time for summer streaming. We hope that as you and your loved ones stagger numbly back into complete pandemic lockdown that you can find some joy in these heart-warming tales about our changing world.
Green New Desire
A scrappy young congresswoman (Ariana Grande) arrives in Congress determined to shake up Washington with her powerful voice — which she uses on the floor of the House to sing infectious pop songs about climate change and student debt. Her stodgy old male colleagues bang their gavels in frustration as an entire generation rises to its feet to dance and march for her socialist fantasies. But things get complicated when she’s paid a visit by the oil industry’s chief lobbyist (Idris Elba), a smooth operator who makes her an offer no red blooded American woman can refuse. Does she fight for a better world or trade the future of the planet for one unforgettable night? Erin Brockovich Goes to Washington and gets Footloose with an Indecent Proposal in this sexy eco-political thriller.
We Didn’t Start the Fire
It’s the worst wildfire season yet in California, and the Bay Area faces annihilation from a perfect storm of three infernos coming together. With all the state’s firefighters pinned down, the governor has no choice but to turn to the baddest prisoners in nearby San Quentin to get the job done. Known as “The Deplorables”, they’re a ragtag group of Aryan Nation racists, inner city gang leaders, high school mass shooters, and former Trump cabinet members — but they’re the only hope we’ve got. In a casting first, the entire roster, coaching staff, and front office of the New England Patriots star in this dramatic story of how even the world’s worst people can have a second chance to be heroes — if they don’t kill each other first!
Greta
Ever since she was a little girl, Greta (Ariana Grande) has wanted to know why adults aren’t doing more to stop climate change, and she won’t stop asking everyone she meets — from her parents to her teachers to the leaders of her cute little Scandinavian country. She keeps right on asking until she becomes a famous activist, leading millions of schoolchildren on strike and bluntly telling world leaders that they are failing to save her generation. After a while, however, her act starts getting a little old. Lots of adults are composting and doing the best they can, and Greta is starting to be a relentless downer. One day this awkward Swedish girl strikes up an unlikely friendship with an older African American man (Idris Elba), a former U.S. President and Nobel Peace Prize winner who tells Greta she’s being a little extra and teaches her how to compartmentalize. It’s a timely yes timeless coming of age story about how a quirky young global icon finds inner peace by taking it down a notch.
66 Million BC
Take an animated 3D journey back to the time when it seemed dinosaurs would roam the earth forever — until one catastrophic morning. It begins as a typical day for a humble and hardworking brontosaurus (Iris Elba, duh), as he stomps around the swamps of the Yucatan peninsula looking for four tons of greens to feed his family — until the skies suddenly darken and he cranes his massive neck to see a giant meteor is heading right toward him. Leaping out of its path just before impact, dinosaur and audience are immediately engulfed in a wild fight against planetary doom — surfing tidal waves, ducking atmospheric fires, and fighting off bands of zombie velociraptors (the Patriots, making a triumphant cinematic return). All the while our hero desperately searches for his teenage daughter (Don’t make us say her name again), who angrily stormed out of the swamp the night before because even fearsome prehistoric reptiles are afraid to let their little girls grow up. Along the way, father and daughter will learn from some tiny mammals that when it comes to survival, the only size that matters is the size of your heart — and that happy endings are possible even as your entire species is forever erased from existence.
Published at The Haven on July 12